It happens to couples of all different ages: the physical aspect of their relationship slowly starts to fade. Many times it happens when children come into the picture. Sometimes it happens when there are stressors in a relationship like financial difficulties. It also happens as we age and can be impacted by certain medical conditions and as hormone levels in the body start to change.
Whatever the reason, one thing is for sure: sex is a key component of the overall relationship between couples. Sex is important for all different types of reasons. It relaxes us and reduces stress, it acts as a pain reliever, it makes us feels good and some studies suggest it is good for our overall health. But the most important reason it matters in a relationship is because it’s plays a big role in the overall emotional bond between two people.
If the intimacy in your relationship is dwindling, and it’s for non-medical reasons, don’t despair. There are things you can do to heat things up again.
Write a letter to your partner
In the age of email and social media, we’ve lost the ability to connect on an emotional level. Get some really nice stationary and a pen, and in your best handwriting, in ink of your partner’s favorite color, tell him how much he means to you, how you can’t imagine your life without him and the qualities you find sexy about him. Your partner needs to know that he is important, meaningful and that you appreciate him, and even if you really feel this way, sometimes saying it or writing it reinforces the idea and gets the point across better.
Reduce stress through touch
Stress can zap the sex out of even the best relationships. But reducing stress together can lead to more sex. Have your partner lie down on his or her stomach with no clothes on. Start from the head and work your way down to his feet. Using a combination of gentle and firm movements, slowly cover every part of the body. At the same time, ask your partner to close his eyes, and whisper both positive and sexy thoughts into his ear. When the body is relaxed, brain wave levels are lowered and the mind is able to connect more effectively with the person in front of him. A relaxed body allows for better blood flow to the extremities which can lead to a stronger erection for men and increased sensations for women.
Don’t just focus on sex
In most cases when medical issues are ruled out, there is a loss of an emotional connection between the couple. Before sex can take priority again, this connection must be made stronger. Engage in other activities that allow you precious time with your partner and strengthen your emotional bond. The tighter the emotional bond the better sex will be and the more both partners will want it. Most couples say their best sex was in the beginning of their relationship, but that’s because there was likely a better emotional connection early on that has faded a bit overtime.
Spice it up
If your love making activities take all of five minutes and are limited to the bedroom, it’s time to spice it up. See love making as an experience to share with your partner, not something to rush through. Find other places in the house to have sex, do it in the car or backyard, role play, experiment with sex toys and new positions. Change the time you have sex. When sex has become routine and boring, one of the easiest ways to spice things up is to get out of the routine. When you first met you likely had sex in the morning, afternoon, night time and anywhere in between. Surprise yourself and your partner with a lunch time rendezvous. Basically, just make it fun, interesting and exciting again.
Often times a couple will engage less frequently in sex because one of the partners doesn’t like something, but is afraid to speak up. Engaging in a sexual relationship should come with open lines of communication. Don’t be afraid to tell your partner what you like and don’t like. Honesty and communicating with your partner is one of the basic foundations of good sex.
If the intimacy in your relationship is lacking, and medical issues have been ruled out, try some of these techniques to heat things up again. Great sex is possible at all ages.