Follow-up piece to  My Crush Invited Me For Group Sex

Since 2009, Tom and I have done a little Facebook flirtation dance. At this point, it has gotten less exciting and more annoying. Not only because he has brought in, albeit a gorgeous, but nonetheless, third party into the mix, without my prior knowledge, but also because he is so caught up in this tantra sex, he appears to have no ability to connect with me on any level that does not contain elements of the tantra sex in it.

Based on all the research I have done on it, if one is supposed to be so in tune and so at peace, and so loving and centered, so into feelings and emotions and vibes, then what is with the disconnect and cold shoulder because I’m not jumping on to the bandwagon of Tom is King in the bedroom mantra. The red flag has been raised.

However, because this specimen is nothing short of wetness just to look at, it is hard to totally slam the door on the possibilities. Oh how weak we are for the beauty of a man. Sigh.

In my last article, Tom had told me to Google some words about tantra sex for a better understanding of it. Shortly after doing this, my Facebook message popped up and up came his name. Did he get some alert when someone was exploring these topics? Or had I finally made him think I was “serious” enough about his team?

“It’s a rising of kundalini energy up the spine which connects to the divine. Words are unnecessary when you experience. Good kundalini awakening. There is a plethora of words and info on the subject.”

I did as I was told. Apparently, at the base of the spine, is the Kundalini energy. Regardless of what religious, spiritual, or meditation tradition one follows, the awakening of this energy is a most innate and essential part of spiritual advancement. Tantra considers the universe to be a manifestation of pure consciousness. Through this process of manifesting, consciousness divides itself into two parts, which, though seeming to be separate cannot exist without one another.

Through the process of going even deeper or higher in practices relating to your own constitution, one repeatedly comes to see the way in which seemingly different realities and self-identities are only apparent, and that manifestation is the mere play of the creative aspect of Shakti with the static aspect of Shiva.

None of this meant much of anything to me, mostly because it was all abstract. I told him that while I was sure words weren’t necessary, they were all I had at the moment. Next came the question, so definite and direct and yet so unclear and question provoking. “You want to be initiated?” I knew I should have and could have asked what that meant, what that entailed, what the hell he was talking about. But instead, I simply replied, yes.

Tom then had the balls to ask, “Can you fly out to Cali in 9 days and stay for 2 days?” No details, no instructions, no offers to stay with him, nothing. I understand eccentricity, but really now, I was supposed to drop my life, pay all this money, fly across the country in a week, for two measly days, to do things no one had bothered to inform me of, and excitedly and willingly want to because….?

I was floored. After years of talking, it had boiled down to this absurd request, where I was the one doing and spending and giving, all blindly. Despite my sheer morbid curiosity and risk taking spirit wanting to go just to see, I honestly couldn’t. I told him that I could not on those days as it was a holy day in my faith and I needed more notice. I have not heard from him since. And at this point, I am alright with that. Apparently, I have found my spiritual awakening without his ass. And he is still searching for players to put on his team.

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