You know how they say, love yourself before you can really love anyone else? I believe that. And I do believe that I, in fact, love myself. Me, myself and I get along pretty well (most of the time). So this year, on Valentine’s Day, I’m going to love myself pretty hard. Here’s how:
1) Wake up and look in the mirror. I will say, “Whad up hottie. That ass hasn’t dropped, it’s actually kind of perky today.”
2) After my twenty-minute shower (where I will actually wash my hair), I’ll dry myself off and massage some nice warm cream (it will have been warming on the radiator) over every inch of my body. I won’t rush because nobody is getting served by me today.
3) Put on some severely skinny jeans, a flowy top buttoned down just enough so that I can see the beginnings of a crevice (I can’t really call it cleavage unless I’m wearing a bustiere) Key word is “I” because nobody else is going to see it but me.
4) Make pancakes and eat them without getting up once to retrieve other people’s requested items. Also, make a big ass coffee.
5) Head upstairs and turn on the computer. I’ll sit down and cradle the coffee in my hands for a moment.
6) Write like a motherfucker.
7) At lunchtime, I’m going to take myself out for a cheeseburger with onion rings and a glass of wine. I’ll bring my book and my laptop. Probably have one or two more glasses. Maybe a beer. Who knows, it’s my day.
8) During the afternoon, I’m going to take a nap. I won’t be interrupted; I’ll sleep until I naturally awake.
9) That night, I’ll watch my kids in the bath playing nicely together and I’ll feel so crazy in love that my whole body will tingle.
10) Later, I’ll share a bottle of Pinot Grigio with my husband at a restaurant that he’ll choose, and when he orders the pate for two for his appetizer, I’ll lean over the table and kiss him. My entire body will tingle again.
11) When I get into bed that night, I’ll close my eyes and think about what a shit-hot day I had. I’ll thank myself for being so nice to myself today, and then I’ll say, “I love you me, you’re a sweet piece of ass”.
Treat yourself to a little lovin, from you, this Valentine’s Day.