I’m a very sexual person, and so is my man. So when we initially started dating, things were more than hot and heavy in the bedroom. Crazy positions, different places—we did it all. After several years together, however, our sex life became a bit mundane and fell into a slump. Don’t get me wrong, we were both still insanely in love with each other. But after a few years of cohabiting, things naturally got stale in the romance department.

Ironically, it was a missed period that caused me to realize that it had been months since my beau and I had done the deed. I was a week late and doing the typical missed-period recon, pondering when I last had intercourse. Needless to say, I was disappointed when I realized I could not be preggo as it had been 60 days since my guy and I were previously intimate.

My immediate thought was, “How could this be?” When we first moved in together, we ravished each other day and night. We never went a day, much less two months, without having sex. How could this have happened? We were young, in our prime, and full of lust and should be doing it like rabbits. But we weren’t. We weren’t doing it at all.

One night, a few days after I finally got my period, my boyfriend and I were in bed watching Game of Thrones (a show with an excessive amount of sexual hedonism) when I confronted him about our sexual dilemma. During a steamy scene where Tyrion Lannister was giving it to a prostitute, I turned to him and blurted out, “We haven’t had sex in 60 days. What’s wrong with us?” Surprisingly, he was just as stunned as I was. After discussing the state of our sexual relationship, we made a vow for improvement in the boudoir.

As young, busy professionals deeply entrenched in our careers, we discovered that one of our biggest sexual road blocks had to do with our drastically different schedules. I’m a writer who keeps unconventional hours, while my man slaves away as a ladder-climbing associate at a high-powered (and pressured) law firm. He works from 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. some nights, while I keep writer’s hours and usually go to bed when he’s getting up for work. As a result, we decided to get spontaneous with our sexual encounters.

Now, he occasionally surprises me by popping by around lunch for a nice, unexpected nooner, or I venture over to his office when he’s working late for a sex-fueled dinner break. We found that this is a great way to not only revive our sex life, but to reconnect with each other and take time away from the pressures of our jobs. I can honestly say this has made him a better litigator and me a more talented writer.

Next, we explored new ways to get our freak on. Like many couples who have been together for years, we became lazy when it came to sex, sometimes not even bothering to remove our clothes. And it was not in a sexy, “we’re so amped to bang each other we can’t even bother undressing” sort of way, but more like “let’s just do this so we can get off and go to sleep.” So not appealing.

We decided to investigate ways to prolong our sexual activity and go beyond the quick foreplay leading to our typical routine. We read up on different fetishes and dipped into the world of kink where we found new, exciting ways to pleasure each other. For instance, instead of buying him cologne or a tie for Valentine’s Day, I purchased us a sex swing and some handcuffs after reading up about them at Adam and Eve‘s V Day section. It turns out that they had a “My Kinky Valentine” section that pretty much fit my needs for getting the both of us ready to explore this new side of sex. We enjoyed it so much that we have incorporated both items into our time in the bedroom.

Our last sexual revamp was in the romantic arena. Let’s face it: sex is best when there’s love and romance involved, so having plenty of passion helps to re-establish the desire that was lacking for so long. No matter how busy we are, we make it a point to do something romantic for each other every week per these tips from Psychology Today. This can range from something simple like him sending me flowers or me fixing him his favorite meal to a major gift like him whisking me off to the south of France for a romantic getaway. Whatever we do, we make sure to demonstrate the love and care we have for each other, and our relationship, as much as possible.

 

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