Don’t do it. Why would you? Trying to stay friends with an ex who broke your heart is the definition of crazy. Sure, we live in this super evolved time where the dating is modern and everyone social medias each other and people want to stay in touch be it through online shenanigans, text message, Twitter, Facebook, mutual friendships, job familiarities but the truth is, life ain’t like it was on Friends with Ross and Rachel.
That was a TV show.
I’ve met a ton of people who think it’s perfectly fine being pals with the ex.
And while that is great and fine if you are not in each others’ noses every five seconds, it is not the thing to do with someone who dumped you and or caused a major heart contusion to your love feelings and heart.
Just Say No
You want to be friends? No. Should we still be contacts on Facebook? No. Should I follow your Twitter? No. So and so is having a party this weekend and you should stop by? No!
For the love of everything good in this world, just say friggin’ no!
If your heart is in tatters, the worst thing possible is staying buddy-buddies with that particular ex. You’ve got enough bullshit to deal with than trying to figure out why it didn’t work
, thinking about what they may or may not be doing, if they are truly happier, if you are truly happier, if maybe it may be a good idea to run into them, you know, if you get your hair all done and pretty and you are wearing knock out jeans and stellar shoes. No! That only happens in the movies! Generally if you run into an ex, it will probably be an off day or you say something stupid or forget to put your deodorant on in the morning. See, the reason is that real life is actually like a comedy, not a romance.
I once dated a guy who was super duper best friends with his ex. They worked together, dined together, celebrated birthdays together, went shopping together, texted each other all the time and phoned each other while we would be on dates together. At first I thought, How very civilized that this man can be such great friends with his ex. How very mature. How exciting. Maybe I am missing something here with not having stayed in touch with my own ex. But no, as time went on it started to seem like exactly what it was – creepy. She would be suggesting places for us to go post-date, she would be calling him asking how he was doing, he would be giggling with immense laughter at all of her text messages and telling me how he had to leave work early to go celebrate something for her. Um, yeah. And then the truth came out that her current partner had been seething mad over the super-close-awesome-ex-lovers-now-friendship relationship they now had. Who woulda thunk?
This is not normal. Or healthy. For a relationship. Especially in one where your heart got broken. There is no moving on if you cannot untangle yourself from said ex. It is not possible to truly move on and let them get on with their life (and you with yours) until you truly drop the proverbial rope with them and start to really go your own way.
Masochism. That’s what it is. It’s asking for more heart pain as you see them carry on with their new love, new life, new career, new job, new things you maybe thought would happen for you two. It is hindering your ability to start on your own path. It’s asking for someone to drip acid or gasoline in your morning coffee and then saying, “Have a great day.”
Don’t do it. Unless, you know, you want it to hurt like a real mofo; unless you want to prolong pain; unless you want to turn off any new person you may date; and unless you want to stay stuck in your own past, just don’t do it.
Just say no.
*I speak from experience. You see, my ex and I could not stop hanging out together, going to the movies together, dinner, vacations, the lot. It made our break up last about two years longer than it should have.